The Bitter Pill

Have I mentioned my passion for music? It’s my philosophy, my religion, my life. Because of this, many of my jobs were in music stores. I worked at Tower Records, Sam Goody, and Warehouse Records during my twenties and I built up quite the collection of CDs. Even when I no longer had employee discounts or access to promos and the rest of the world started getting their music in downloads and MP3s I still am at the record stores buying the newest release. There are certain artists that I can count on to put out an entire album of music I will like. In fact if you look at my CD collection (thousands of jewel cases along the wall from ABBA to ZZ Top and everything in between) most of them I can put in a CD player and listen to the whole thing without having to skip any songs. Now I say most of them, because there are still quite a few there that I like only 1 or 2 tracks from it. I guess it’s albums like these that this new age is for, because no one puts on an album anymore and just listens to the whole thing from start to finish. Well I shouldn’t say nobody, because I do. I love to get a new CD that the whole thing speaks to me from beginning to end, I put it on in the car and just leave it there for weeks listening to every track over and over each day.

As I mentioned before I recently got the new Eminem album The Marshal Mathers LP 2 and it has been being played over and over since I got it. Starting with my favorite track “Bad Guy” and ending with ‘Evil Twin” then starting back over again. Some days I may repeat a song like “So Far…” a few times in a row before going on to the rest of the album. But basically it’s all I have been listening to since I got it last month.

Now of course when I get stuck on an album like this, my daily attitude can reflect from it. I learned this also showed true in my blog. During this last month my blogs have gotten quite a bit more cocky listening to Eminem on a constant. Then the other day I made the song dedication on here posting Green Day’s “Restless Heart Syndrome” from their album 21st Century Breakdown. Then when I headed to work, I took that CD instead of the Eminem. The cocky zero that some of you have come to love or hate was taking the back seat again and the open more caring part of me wondered if I was going about all of this the right way still.

Then I came home and watched some television.  A show about being “FAKE” on the internet came on, which was good, because this was one of the things I had originally started blogging about in my “Red & Black”. But as I mentioned, the show brought me right back into thinking about my LISK blog and all the circles my curiosity had brought me to. I will get to more about that. But first…

I headed into work today and reached for my Eminem CD. Then decided to grab something else. A CD called “Dog Eat Dog” by the 80’s hair band Warrant. You might remember them as the guys who sang “Cherry Pie”.  “Dog Eat Dog” came after their pie success, and to be honest I do not like the album too much. It’s one of those I have for just a couple of songs. When I play the album, I’ll play those 2 songs a few times and then take it off. The rest of the album just tries to hard to be different from “Cherry Pie” and in my opinion gets lost because of it. But I do really like those 2 songs on there, and today I played them both at least 3 times a piece. They are both ballads, though they are not your typical ballads.  One of these 2 tracks is called “The Bitter Pill”, it’s a love song, but it’s about more than that. At least to me anyways. It has always been a song I put on when I don’t understand this world of ours. So I played it and when it was done I replayed it. In fact I played it at least 3 times in a row listening to the lyrics wanting to understand people better, wanting to understand myself better.

Though I said I stand by my blogs, all of them, I realize I may have lost my way a little and maybe got caught up in the craziness. I mean I put myself on the couch, right?  Am, I here to play games, am I here to help, am I here to make sense of a world that seems to not understand itself?

All good questions, that I just don’t have the answers for yet. But as things keep changing and evolving, it is becoming clearer to me what I should do. What I want to do. The question is, will I do it?

I’ll start here with an apology to all those on my LISK Blog that I wrote about. Everyone. Right or wrong, I know some of my posts and comments were not always well received. My intensions were never to hurt anyone.

I would like to once again post a link to a song and hope you all listen to it. The song I played several times today in my car, wondering just what is the purpose of our lives. I know some of you don’t care what I have to say any more and I’m sure most of you don’t want to listen to a love ballad by Warrant and try to find a philosophical middle ground to our differences and misunderstandings in its corney lyrics. But I put it here any ways.

3 thoughts on “The Bitter Pill

  1. Zero, want to start off by sayin im sorry to hear about Motley Crue 😦 i can relate and understand completely…
    This post really got to me, so i hope to be as clear as possible. As you know, im also a huge Eminem fan. The ‘story’ told in his lyrics had a tremendous impact on both myself and my son. So much we can relate to, on so many levels and issues…i know you understand.
    I too, have played the whole CD to death, as well as much of the older material written by ‘Shady’ lately…My son recently said he notices a change in me when i obsess over certain songs, an angry change. Although he understands where im coming from, he knows im in a better place when im listening to ‘Eminem’/ his new stuff comes full circle, revealing he has matured and accepted certain painful things in his life..

    i think i understand what you’re struggling with. We have had discussions off blog when we both struggle with our conscience..Its not easy for some of us to say, screw it, lets give em a taste of their own medicine!! even though sadly, it seems to work.

    When i was new to all this, beginning on LISK, i was accused constantly of being too nice or phony, i was unaware and unprepared for the insults, let alone being accused of crimes ect..when i lashed out and defended myself, i then got accused of being too harsh or disruptive. i learned and observed however, there were many forms of distraction. Ok, so some didnt curse or get their feathers ruffled, but i witnessed many arguments over who was smarter than who ect…post after post of arguing over the meaning of mental illness for example, just very nit picky, lots of attitude and strong personalities..I apologized many times on that site, but i actually regret that now, as ALL posting there had their moments and made mistakes..

    the fact that is we all struggle with the angel/devil on our shoulders, well most do. I like you even more for admitting to this struggle. I know you are GOOD. I know your intentions were GOOD. all we can do is learn and grow. i have NO regrets. Im proud to ‘know’ you, as well as quite a few others ive ‘met’. i hope you will not spend too much time struggling with yourself ZERO!! Just don’t.

  2. What the hell is goiing on? I thought this was the blog with no apologies!?! You got one threatening lawsuits and blogging about how ‘people need to be careful about what they blog about, wah wah wah’, (what a joke), you have another one writing on Facebook that you make child porn, now this new one is back to the ‘you’re my ex’ games. What the fuck do you have to be sorry for? They are tthe ones who don’t know when to stop. They brought up your wife’s name for christ sake. And then they try to trash Fright Dome, the one place I get to run free. Where’s those balls at zero? Fuck these failed housewives. You let Super Ego run that “Red & Black” blog most of the time, when are you gonna just fully unleash me here like you know you should?

  3. Zero’s ID,
    Its best to be underestimated, don’t you think? Yeah, me and Zero, jen, TCTH…we’re just powerless, unintelligent folks who are idly standing by while we’re being slandered 😦

    Boo Hoo, isn’t there anything we can do to stop them ??? 😦


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