The Great Smoke Off!


Now in the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael

Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake – you probably know her well

She was stoned 15 of her 18 years, and her story was widely told

that she could smoke them faster than anyone can roll

Well, her legend finally reached New York, that Grove Street walk-up flat

where dwelt the Calistoga Kid, a beatnik from the past

He’s been rolling dope since time began, now he took a cultured toke

and said “Jim, I can roll them faster than any CHICK can smoke”

So a note gets sent to San Rafael for the championship of the world

the Kid demands a smoke-off; “Well bring him on!” says Pearl

“I’ll grind his fingers off his hands! He’ll roll until he drops!” says Calistog,

“I’ll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops”.

So they rent out Yankee Stadium, and the word is quickly spread

come one, come all, who walk or crawl, tickets just two lids a head

and from every town and hamlet, over land and sea

they speed the world’s greatest dopers, with the world’s greatest weed.

Hashishins from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru

and the Shashniks from Bagun (who smoke the deadly Pu-ga-ru)

and those who call it “light of life” and those that call it “boo”.

See the dealers and their ladies, wearing turquoise lace and leather

See the narcos and the closet smokers, puffing all together

from the teenies who smoke legal, to the ones who’ve done some time

to the old man who smoked “reefer”, back before it was a crime.

And the grand old House That Ruth Built is filled with the smokes and cries

of fifty thousand screaming heads, all stoned out of their minds

and they play the national anthem, and the crowd lets out a roar

as the spotlight hits the Kid and Pearl, ready for their smoking war.

At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak

just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem branch or seed

I mean, Maui Wowie, Panama Red, Acapulco Gold

Kif from East Afghanistan, and that rare Alaska Cold

and there’s sticks from Thailand,

ganj from the island,

and Bangkok’s blooming best

(and some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West).

There’s Oaxacan tops and Kenya bhang, and Riviera fleurs

and that rare Manhattan Silver, that grows down in the New York sewers.

And there’s bubbling ice cold lemonade, and sweet grapes by the bunches

and there’s Hershey bars and Oreos (in case anybody gets the munches)

And the Calistoga Kid he smiles, and Pearly she just grins ūüôā

and the drums roll low, and the crowd yells “GO GO GO!!”

and the world’s first smoke-off begins.

Well, the Kid he flicks his fingers once, and ZAP that first joint’s rolled

Pearl takes one toke with her famous lungs, and WHOOSH that roach is cold

Then the Kid he rolls his super-bomb, that would paralyze a moose

and Pearl takes one mighty hit, and …… that bomb’s defused

and then he rolls three in just ten seconds, and she smokes them up in nine

and everybody sits back and says “Hey…. this just might take some time”

See the blur of flying fingers, see the red coal burning bright

as the night turns into morning, and the morning fades to night

and the autumn turns to summer, and a whole damn YEAR is gone

and the two still sit, on that roach-filled stage, smoking, and rolling

With trembling hands he rolls his Js, with fingers blue and stiff

She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips

And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold

the Kid, he gasps, “Damn it, bitch! There’s nothing left to roll!”



And she reaches ‘cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves

and crumbles his body between her hands, like dry and brittle leaves

flicking out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds

Then she rolls him in a Zig-zag, and lights him like a roach

and the fastest man, with the fastest hands, goes up in a puff of smoke.

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael

Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake – you probably know her well

She been stoned 21 of her 24 years, and her story is still widely told

how she still can smoke them faster than any dude can roll

While, off in New York City, on a street that has no name

there’s the hands of the Calistoga Kid, in the Viper Hall of Fame

and underneath his fingers, there’s a little golden scroll

that says “Beware of being the roller When there’s nothing left to roll”.

420 Break


Here we are 4:20 on 4/20 one last time. Let’s take a break and have some fun! But first some history:

There are lots of things about the cannabis plant you probably don’t know (well some of you probably know, I’ve been told by more than a few people my blog is better after smoking… which makes sense since that is how it is written). Like did you know that it wasn’t until the middle ages that the cannabis plant got a bad name? I know, that seems like a long time ago, but there was lots of time before it as well, and until then cannabis was actually seen as an important plant. What happened, you ask. The same thing that always happens… power, corruption, and the need to control the masses. Paper was an important tool that the PTBs (Powers That Be) did not want just anyone to have. Being able to write and read and share information… that could be trouble for those in power if the masses were able to have the use of something as powerful as paper. You may also not know that cannabis is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to produce paper… in fact before we go on take a look at some graphs:

420 2

420 1.jpg

420 3.png

That’s a lot of shit from one plant… now back to my story.

So the PTBs of that dark time in history did not want to let people improve there lives with paper, and since cannabis was the cheap and easy way to get paper… it became the devil’s weed. A crop that is so useful and beneficial became public enemy #1, a routine that would, like most things from history, repeat itself. It’s kind of ironic (if I’m using the word right, we all know I have a problem with that word) that one of the worlds most useful plant ¬†got its bad name of being dangerous because of just the opposite… it was too helpful.

Like with most things, the dark ages would come to an end… and the useful plant would survive the slanderous attempts to keep it from those who used it. But as I already pointed out, time repeats itself.

Here in America we have had our own PTBs out to smear the reputation of this miracle plant. It started with something that is still a polarizing subject, in fact one of today’s biggest topic… immigration. Back in the early 1900’s believe it or not America had problems with Mexican immigrants. The Mexican Revolution spilled over the border and caused problems. Due to the fact that Mexicans smoked marijuana and brought it over the border with them, laws and propaganda began. And it became a trend.

From Mormons to Jazz musicians… our PTBs found cannabis as the way to get at those who did not fit in to their way of what America should be. Religion and racism… it may have started the fire that threatened to burn cannabis away for ever… but it was good old greed that really kept the anti-pot propaganda going.

With all the new laws and restrictions on cannabis, other companies were able to grow and flourish. Textiles and paper companies and so much more leading right up to the big business of the drug industry all did better as long as cannabis was the “devil’s weed”.

Even though cannabis could put many industries out of business because it can be used for many of the same products, cheaper and better for our environment, cannabis was gone after like it could bring on the end of western civilization. Still greed and the almighty dollar was more important. Just think of paper alone. If we used cannabis instead of trees from the get go to make paper… would global warming and the greenhouse effect even be a discussion? Even though, during WWII, laws were loosened and cannabis once again was used to make the things needed, cheaper and faster, after the war, big business made sure that it wouldn’t be allowed to get in the way of money in their pockets.

This history lesson is getting a little long. Here’s some more to read if you are interested:

But the best way to get the whole history on cannabis is in a book by Jack Herer called “The Emperor Wears No Clothes”:

jack herer

Before we move on though, I just have to say, no matter what your opinion on pot is the true tragedy in all of this is that because of lies and propaganda, real tests on the benefits of cannabis is not done. The fact that it is still a class 1 drug, no one is allowed to see just how good or bad it may be for us. Though from the few tests that have been done… there ain’t much data to say it should even be a class 1 drug. So we are left to wonder just what else cannabis could be used for:

420 medical

But it’s the big C that we are really just learning about. If marijuana¬†was only useful with cancer patients helping them with pain and nausea allowing them to eat and sleep, that would be enough, wouldn’t it? But we’ve known for years it does this and yet medical marijuana¬†is still a fight the PTBs have not given up on. And now there are patients and doctors who believe cannabis may actually be a cure for cancer:

Yep, read up on cannabis oil and how it’s being used. Will cannabis be a cure for cancer? I don’t know. But I do know that the continuous¬†attitude our federal government has (even worse now with Sessions), is keeping us from knowing sooner. ¬†That sucks.

Alright enough on all that. If you are still reading (and still smoking, it’s a holiday after all) I promised some fun… so let’s have some fun!

First off, if you are gonna celebrate 4/20 properly you have to listen to some Kottonmouth Kings… almost any album will do, but I suggest “Rolling Stoned”.

kmk rs

For those of you who don’t smoke or just want some alcohol for the celebration here’s a drink recipe just for today:

chronic ice tea.JPG

Now we just need something to do. So, here for the first time anywhere I’m gonna post rules to a game invented by yours truly, called “420 Break“. Yep, the post title has double meaning, don’t you love when I do that.

13 years ago on this very day, I was hanging out with friends and family, playing pool and I came up with a drinking/smoking game. It was kind of like the game “Quarters” only with a pool table. And now for the first time, if you have a pool table, you too can play. You will also need some beer or alcohol and a pipe or bong filled with your favorite strand.


Rack the balls as if you are playing “8-Ball” with a few exceptions. swap the 1 ball with the 4 ball, swap the 14 ball with the 12 ball, and swap the 6 ball with the 7 ball so that the purple 4 is in front and the 2 green balls are in the back corners. Here, just look at the diagram below:

420 break rack

Make sure your bowl is packed and choose someone to break. The game is played like straight pool. Call your shot, make your shot. If you make a shot, you choose someone to drink and you shoot again. If you make 3 shots in a row you make a rule. This can be the usual rules of drinking games: no pointing, don’t use anyone’s proper name, or the ever popular you can’t say the words “drink, drank or, drunk”. Use your imagination when making your rule. One of my favorites I came up with was that you have to dance around your pool stick before shooting. As with all drinking games, if you break a rule and someone calls you out, you drink.

There are also special balls. If you sink the purple 4 ball or either of the 2 green balls (14 and 6) then everyone playing takes a hit off the pipe or bong. If you sink the 8 ball, everyone drinks.

If you sink the 4, 14, or 6 ball in on the break that’s called a “420 Break”. Everyone takes 3 hits or just light up a blunt and call it a house rule.

That’s really it. After the last ball is made, you re-rack and keep playing. The more rules that get made, the more fun the game is!

So there ya go, my 420 gift to everyone! Have fun!

Make sure to stop by the ZW FB for more music for your festivities:

Happy 420!

Now take us out Em:




Here we are, 4:20 on 4/20, what should we talk about?

Well today is a well-known holiday for pot smokers. I know this because every news station I turn to today is saying so. LOL, what a difference a year makes.

Anyways, yes, today has become a traditional holiday for pot heads everywhere, I once wrote a post on the whole thing, I don’t think that was here though, I think that was on the old MySpace blog. To bad that’s gone, I could just post a link right here that would show what I wrote on the subject, Oh well, it was a really cool read on how 4-20 came about.¬†Maybe next year I’ll rewrite it here. Here’s a couple of links on the subjects¬†I wrote about:

Today though, I want to talk about the other traditions this time of the year and the tragic anniversaries that have come from them.

First off we have Hitler’s birthday:


Yea, that alone is enough not to celebrate this day. And of course there is Columbine:

There was the BP oil spill:

Yes, today has a few bad anniversaries.

And it seems there has long been a tradition of attacks on America this time of year:

Some of these tragic events were planned out purposely on the same day to mark the anniversaries of the other ones, leading back to what happened in the Waco siege which ended April 19th, 1993:

Plus April 19th is Patriots Day:

But for what ever reason, this week of April can be a painful one to remember and a scary one to wait through each year…

Thank God those stoners picked today to get high, celebrate, and enjoy life a little.

Sorry if¬†I killed anyone’s buzz.

Click on these for more 4-20 events:

HAPPY 4-20!