When Will It Be Enough?

It’s been 2 months since my last post. I’ve been in a sort of stupor of sadness. After my last post another one of my heroes passed away. Prince was a major influence on my life since I was in grade school. I started to write a post about how he influenced my life and half way through I just stopped. I began to think about the blog and the things I was writing about. Started to once again wonder if I should have ever strayed from the “Red & Black” and onto the paths that led me to “Zero’s World”. I mean 2 of the biggest influences in my life, Bowie and Prince were gone, and I had failed to mention either one till after their untimely death. David Bowie and Prince were not just musical influences, they were huge influences on self-love and respect, individuality, and understanding and accepting… no… celebrating our differences. They were major parts of my very complicated life, and after 3 years of blogging I had not mentioned either until their death. What was I blogging about when Prince was takin’ from us? Some dick named Jason Edwards and the ongoing feuds of McKee, Prinnie, & Radio.

Had I lost my way?

What would the Zero of only a few years ago (the one who started his journey here at WordPress with the “Red & Black”) think, if he could see what he was blogging about now?

I’m the only one who can answer that, and yet I can’t. I’m not sure if I would have ever started blogging if I knew how it would affect me and the endless circles it would send me in. You see I’ve had issues with circles in the past, and my whole thought process when I wrote that first post, what seems like a lifetime ago, was to help others to see the circles we get stuck in and of course what I have said throughout all of this, understanding. If we try to understand each other and all we each are going through, the whys and hows, we could get to at least a common ground where moving forward instead of declining backwards was possible.

I know a lot of you are saying, “really you blogged about this stuff? I thought you just blogged about Dorothy and LISK obsessors.”

Well, maybe that’s my fault… I may have let the circles get the best of me. And yet, no matter how far I have strayed, circles never let you get far from where you begin.

So these last few months I have sat down to write a post quite a few times but unsure where to go with it for the moment. How to ride the circles. Because circles are not always bad things… like I have said before, they can be like rain drops on a pond… each circle growing bigger and bigger. Or think of the circles linked together in uncountable chains, each connecting to another as you trace them, leading you into all possibilities.

But they are dangerous, easy to get stuck in small circles that are very damaging. Or worse, they can break off into downward spirals.

Whoa… very “Red & Black” today. Sorry, I will try to get to the point, if there really is one any more, and I do still have hope that there is one. Maybe that’s the point. That I still have hope for one. I definitely think that’s what I thought was the point yesterday.

There were a few times I started to write a post over the past couple months. When I read the news about a man who had been with homeland security shot his estranged wife and many other innocent people in a 2 day shooting spree:

http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/06/us/maryland-shootings/index.html

I sat down to type, but nothing came. This guy was with Homeland Security!?! Once again there seems to be no lines between bad guys and good guys. Maybe that’s why I didn’t write a post.

There were other times I came to this screen wanting to put to words how I felt about all the things going on around me… when an Egypt Air  plane disappeared from the skies I once again sat at a blank screen wanting to say something but not really knowing the purpose of anything I could say. No matter what I said about it then, we’d still be at the same place now:

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2016/06/01/latest-french-firm-gets-signal-from-crashed-egypt-plane.html

Each time the argument about where people are allowed to use the restroom came up in the news and online I wanted to pound hard on my keyboard in all caps… but it wouldn’t have stopped the lunacy from growing as it did.

The thing about this blog is, the more I skip on planned posts and the more time I let pass between them… the easier it is not to blog at all.

For every thing I want to post about there are countless more things that I could be blogging about. Positive things, negative things, crazy things. The posts alone about this election would fill this already crowded blog. So again, what’s the point?
While posing the question to myself and getting stuck in a circle of sadness, I got some devastating news about someone very close to me.

Suddenly all the fucked upness of the world was hitting way too close.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t posting… because there would have been some dark stuff last week.

I really started to wonder if there was any hope for humanity. Are we stuck in circles or trapped in downward spirals so dangerous, there was no hope?

By the end of last week I still wasn’t sure where my head was on everything going on in the real world but I knew I wasn’t done in the Internet one. I had to write a post… about something… about anything, or it would just become to easy to let it go.

I thought long and hard this weekend, a good weekend spent with family and friends (my son had graduated from High School, that’s 6 down 1 to go) and thought hard about the world around me both close and distant. Yes, there was craziness and despair, but it was still beautiful to me. All of it had meaning… all of it had purpose, there was a point.

I decided to finally come back to the blog and post about a lot of what I just wrote, though more detailed in some areas (like more on Trump, Clinton, Bernie and the election) while not in others.

I planned the post in my head Saturday night as I went to sleep. I wasn’t sure whether I would call it “Summer Of Love” or “Summer Of Fear” but guessed it would be some sort of combination of both like “Summer Of Love Or Fear?” or “Summer Of?”. I had planned on using a couple of songs by Offspring:

 

I wanted to show the contrast, but I wanted to express the hope. I never know for sure how a post will go because things change as I write them, but I know I wanted to end positively and though it was a post about how fucked up things seem to be getting I wanted to express it was our Summer and if we wanted it to be a fun one regardless of all the shit we were going through, it could be. It was up to us to make this a Summer of Love and not a Summer of Fear.

Yesterday morning, I shook off all the doom and gloom and sat down to set it all back into a postive spin that could spin us into circles of hope. I also turned on the T.V.

The screen in front of me would remain blank once again.

The deadliest mass shooting in America’s history:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/06/12/reaction-to-florida-nightclub-mass-shooting.html

http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/12/us/orlando-shooter-omar-mateen/index.html

Now what?

This is it. Maybe our final wake up call before it’s too late.

But that sounds a lot like fear.

It also sounds very real.

The choice of a summer of love vs. a summer of fear seems more important now than a silly post on a silly blog.

And I really don’t know which way it will go. I can’t even say what side I may find myself on.

This tragedy hits on so much, from gun control issues, mental illness and Islamic terrorism to the bigotry of all religions when it comes to the rights of the LGBTQ. But the fact remains that all these senseless things we do to each other is because we don’t care to understand each other.

I know there is still hope… most of the world wants to understand, accept, and live peacefully with each other. There is still love out there.

But is it time for us to seriously be afraid of  what may happen if we all don’t join together and fight against what is trying to destroy us…

or will that only insure our destruction?

The zero who first started blogging here on WordPress I’m sure would want us to fight the fear and embrace the love and hope for change.

That zero is gone though and I’m left more confused than ever and as I said, not sure where I will find myself.

 

Shake It Off

 

Any new Cicada stuff out there? I haven’t even looked. But it’s that time of year.

I saw Anonymous is getting involved with the fight against terrorism:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/11335676/Hacktivists-Anonymous-says-it-will-avenge-Charlie-Hebdo-attacks-by-shutting-down-jihadist-websites.html

And The Illuminati is taking over everything:

https://www.facebook.com/thevigilantchristianmario

I bring up these 3 groups, because with all that’s going on in the world, it would be nice if we had some heroes… even some anti-ones.

But we are so involved in the back-n-forth. Victories are just the lead in to the next fight. Everyone’s pointing the finger at their oppressor and shouting demon! Actually we moved on from that… we now are pointing fingers at our accusers and shouting demon!

Even I, as I teach by example, have gotten too caught up.

Time to shake it off…

 

 

The Howard Stern Show 12-17-14

As I said, I took the day off from the internet yesterday, the day the world changed. Decided to take a trip to my home away from home… California. You see, I may live in the desert… but I was born on the beach… and it is the beach I must return to every so often to rejuvenate myself.

One of the pluses of going to Cali is that I usually have Sirius radio in the rental car… which means Howard Stern!

Ahhh, The Zeros… yes I have that CD. lol.

So yesterday was the last show before it’s winter vacation, and I was in for a treat! So many things I have been discussing here were discussed on the show.  Howard took a moment to talk seriously about racism in America, and I’ll bring that up in The Ferguson post which I will hopefully work on this weekend and get “PUBLISHED” by Sunday or Monday, though I do need to get to some Christmas shopping eventually.

Most of the show was spent discussing The Daily News and an article that was posted there about Howard:

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2014/dec/16/howard-stern-blasted-compares-911-sony-attacks/

As you could guess, having his face next to the burning towers with the word “IDIOT” in huge letters right next to it, did not sit right with The King Of All Media. He was pissed. And with good reason, because it turns out this was not even the report the 2 writers turned in, an unnamed editor decided to rewrite the story and take a potshot at Howard and sell some papers as well.

Let’s back track… Seth Rogen and James Franco had been on the show (wish I had heard that one) and they of course discussed the Sony hack and all the controversy surrounding their upcoming film. Howard called it a terrorist attack and said that he felt the news agencies should refrain from using anything from the hack, such as stolen emails, in news stories. And let’s face it, he’s right. As much fun it was to see hollywood exposed a little, people lost jobs, social security numbers were posted, the whole thing was messed up. Entertaining, but messed up.

Now this is before the threats of a “911” attack on movie goers… but with hindsight, the newspaper’s story of the 911 comparison kind of comes back to kick them in the ass, no?

Alright so Howard gives his opinion on the cyber hacks and The Daily News calls him an idiot. Something any listener could tell you is a sore spot, Howard’s dad often yelled “You idiot!” at him when he was a kid… plus mocking Howard on his feelings about 911, well let’s go back to 911.

I was on my way to work, back then I was a manager for a record store… Howard Stern was still on the regular radio and I listened to him  every morning on my way to work and at work. The show was usually on a west coast 3 hour delay, but that morning it cut in to the live feed. A plane had just flown into one of the Towers. I thought it was a goof, and started switching radio stations. As I said, I was in my car, so I looked into the sky, normally in Vegas there are lots of planes in the sky at any moment, flying over the Valley towards McCarrran Airport… but to my shock, there was not a plane in the sky. It was very eerie. It was real!

I arrived at work… my assistant was there, (also a Stern fan, so he too was listening to the radio show) the look in his eyes was terrible. I remember I yelled out, “We’re, under attack. we’re under fucking attack!”

Using the stores landline I called home (back then I did not have a cell phone yet, or I’m sure it would have been a call from my wife to tell me the news) my wife was in tears when she answered, the second plane had hit by this point and she watched it happen. She told me planes were still missing and she wants me to come home. So I closed up shop and headed home… throughout all of this, The Howard Stern show was playing in the background. And as anyone who was listening that day could tell you, Howard helped get us all through it… and I know that goes much deeper for New Yorkers. Howard and everyone at the Howard Stern Show handled the catastrophe with heart and genuine felling. As I said they got their listeners through one of the worst days of their lives.

So to mock Howard and call him an idiot, on 911 issues, yea, not fair, not right, and not very smart.

Howard, from his own words, was a mess all day and couldn’t sleep that night. So yes, it was the main topic of the show yesterday. But it goes on, because it turns out, the story printed in the paper was not the story the 2 writers had turned in. It seems that an editor got a hold of the story and changed it to make it about Howard Stern… a vendetta maybe? Any Stern fan can tell you that this is not the first time that something like this has happened to The Stern Show, throughout all its existence, reporters and uptight busy bodies (Jen, you reading? For some reason, that sentence made me think of you) who don’t even listen to the show and definitely didn’t understand it have to open their big mouths to try to swat down at what they believe is a very mean guy… I can totally relate. But this time, maybe they just went too far.

In fact after finding out that it wasn’t even the story the writers turned in, but that an editor rewrote it to get at Howard or to use him to sell papers, Howard was even more upset. He told how he talked to his shrink about it all, and they said, well of course your pissed, what this editor did was wrong and would upset anyone.

And now with the latest “911” like threats, Howard and others on the show, and many listening as well I bet, felt the paper owed a retraction and an apology. Still waiting to see if that happens.

After listening to the show, I of course heard that the movie would not be released, and damn if that didn’t just put it all in to a greater prospective. Howard was and is right. This was a terrorist attack… and it was a succesful one.

We will be dealing with this story quite a bit as I mentioned in the previous post. This is unbelievable, when someone doesn’t like something someone does now, you better believe they will just threaten a “911” attack, because they see now how it scares us into submission… they see now just how well 911 worked… I mean we are so scared we canceled a block buster movie… that’s so far away from what America stands for… and they see it! So more 911 threats will follow and when we do not listen to them (which I’m sure we will have to do on the next one, defiance will have to be made, I mean just look at the backlash Sony is getting for caving… no, the next one, we will flip our middle fingers at them and march on) maybe they will think well, maybe we  need another 911, to remind them (us) of how scared it makes everyone. Trapped in circles!

Alright moving on…

The other main focus of the day was the show’s “Secret Santa”. They had made a $50 limit on presents, and Scott The Engineer had given someone a $25 dollar gift card. He did not hear the end of it… even on the Wrap Up Show, this was the main discussion. LMAO! Loved it!

Another highlight of the show was the vote on who was the most annoying caller on the show. And when I heard the top three candidates, Marilyn from Brooklyn (I wonder if she knows Candyce), King of All Blacks, and Bobo the clown, I already knew the winner… or is it loser. Call it serendipity, since we all know that’s what I call it, lol, or just call it psychic mambo jumbo, but I knew… we both know, don’t we Jen (you can’t get any more inside for a joke). Bobo!

Poor Bobo, he did not take it very well. LOL.

My favorite moment has got to be when David Arquette called in to explain why the whole “idiot” thing was bothering Howard (which I already mentioned). David told Howard pretty much that people are gonna hate, people are gonna call you stupid, but you just gotta love yourself brother, because others do and for good reasons… it was a beautiful moment…  David is so funny, some may think he’s lost it, but I love that guy, he get’s what the rest of us are fighting with. Or maybe he just is trying to hard to become part of the “Wack Pack”, either way, I love that guy.

There was so much more in the show, Nicole Bass agreeing to come back after the break and show Howard, Robin, Fred, and possibly Garry her vagina. We found out all the many objects Ass Napkin Ed has had sex with. And on the Leiberman Show we got to hear from some of the “Wack Pack” on their views of Cops wearing cameras and the Presidents change on stance with Cuba. Made me think of our own little “Waco Packo” here at Zero’s World!

It was a great show, and made me once again question myself. I am a huge fan of the show, why don’t I get Sirius Radio already? But if I have it all the time, I would do nothing else… or at least it would be hard to… and I already have that problem with other things (hint, hint) so although I miss it and love when I get the chance to spend the day (and night) listening to Howard 100 & 101 (switching back-n-forth between the 2 channels for hours and hours) the highlight of my day was not the Howard Stern Show… after all that was just the trip, and yes the trip is always half the fun… but the destination is what it’s all about, at least this trip it was…

and standing there with my arms around my wife, with the wind blowing against us, watching the dark Pacific crash on the beach, the last light of day going, going, gone… I was at my destination, for a moment at least. And although I knew the world had changed today… I could feel peace for that moment… clear my head of it all… listen to the waves. Get lost in that moment.

Come full circle… before heading back around… for another ride.

Circles

Circles are everywhere, would you agree? Planets travel in them and so do we. We get stuck in them. The smaller the circles are, the faster we come back around. I am attempting to travel in bigger circles in the posts on this blog… but it seems we are still in much smaller connected circles… coming back around very quickly… sometimes so quickly it dangers on repetitiveness (am I repeating myself here?).

Sometimes that’s all the bigger circles are… a bunch of the same smaller circles intertwined spinning you around like a carnival ride.

So, as I venture out into larger circles, don’t be surprised when they snap us back around again… just try to hold the nausea down and enjoy the ride.