Fuck The World For The Win

When I was a kid the initials F.T.W. meant “Fuck The World”.  I first saw them written on a bloody Nikki Sixx’s arm:

NikkiBloodFU

Once I found out what it meant I kind of took it on as my life’s motto. Fuck The World! It has a simple beauty to it. It served me well in my younger years, realizing early that you can’t change the world or the ways of those who walk it gives you a certain relief and freedom. But as you get older it get’s harder to just say fuck everybody. Now I know this may not be the way it works for everyone, after all there are no absolutes. For some, I’m guessing, it get’s easier to say “fuck the world” the older you get.

Yes, the older you get, the closer you feel to being done with it all. You’ve seen how people can be and experienced the cruel ways of the world… so as each year passes you become a little more cynical and less able to fake that smile as the people around you do their best to screw you. I can totally get that. But as I said it worked in reverse for me.

At a young age I realized the world was full of shit. They all pretended they had answers, and as a child you believe it. But teachers, preachers, and politicians are the great pretenders. Every adult, right up to and including your parents are winging it, not much different as we all do as children. Going with what is told to you, following what everyone else is doing. The idea that adults have any answers or real understanding to what all this is about, like Santa Claus is a nice lie told to children to sooth and reassure them… but it’s still a lie.

No need to get too deep in all this… but for me, I saw through the lie early and with that knowledge I ran with it.

“Fuck the world!” You can’t please everyone, and why would you try when we are all in the same boat, right? No one is better than the next, just a world of people playing pretend from birth to death.

Simply put (is anything ever “simply put” here?), instead of growing more cynical as I grew older I started to realize it was a little more complicated than the simple way I had been looking at it (see, simple, right?).

Having children is definitely part of it. When you have kids (for most at least) you have to give a fuck about something more than yourself. You have to start caring about the future and the way the world is, even if it seems so unworthy of your cares.

Children are only part of it though. For good or bad everyone you come in contact with is a part of your world.  All those around you shape and mold you and are essentially, your life. And in return we are the lives of those around us. We all fit in like puzzle pieces, affecting and being affected.

So from my earliest childhood friends to those of you I have met here on the blog. From my parents to my siblings. From my wife to my children. The people I’ve worked with and those who worked against me. You are my life and make all this what it is… so you can’t just say fuck all that… you might as well be saying fuck your life, and though some may feel just that… I do not.

Heavy, I know. But we can’t get stuck in the depth, we could drown. So let’s just leave it at this:

As I got older, “Fuck The World” became less of a motto and more of just a mood I sometimes was in. If you have read here long enough, you’ve seen me in that mood a few times for sure.

The world, whether you say fuck it or not moves on and so shall this post.

When I first started blogging on WordPress, I had used the initials F.T.W. a few times and there seemed to be a confusion about what I meant (this also happened more recently with the initials S.S.D.D. Which I promise will be dealt with in the next post). So I did some Googling and sure enough the meaning of F.T.W. had changed as the world moved on:

FTW for the win.jpg

At first this kind of upset me. My motto turned mood had become something else. I blame the internet. LMFAO! But really, as I have said over and over again, the internet changed a lot of things. I worked at a video rental store, was actually a manager for a place called The Video Studio in Covina, California (I am mainly mentioning it so I can put it in the tags. I loved working there and who knows, someone might Google it and find this post. That would be cool, right?). I also worked at a few record stores, Sam Goody, The Warehouse,  and of course Tower Records. I really thought Tower Records would be the job I kept for ever. But just like F.T.W. the internet has changed things.

I know… poor zero. My love/hate relationship with the internet is a moot point though really. It too is part of my life (it’s up there in the title, RL and IL… the L stands for life). The internet is much a part of my life as everything else that has been a part of it over these last four decades (has it really been that long?) as it has been for most of us working are way through it. So I just had to accept, that while F.T.W. will always mean “Fuck The World” to me, for others it now meant “For The Win”!

If you think about it, it makes sense. And it actually seems to be a positive move, right? “For The Win” seems much more positive than “Fuck The World”, right?

If you say so. It does fit right into the world in which we find ourselves in now. Helping pave the way for  Donald Trump to become President. It seems to become all about winning now. Which of course, it’s become that way because we had tried to pretend for a while that winning didn’t matter. It obviously does. Participation trophies are great, but we want the win.

Let’s not start drowning in the depth again. This post is not gonna debate winners and losers, but I will say it sucks to lose, we all know that, still… “the devil loves the winner just as much as he loves the sinner”. That’s from a lyric I once wrote. Perceive at your own risk.

Winners, losers, we all get a taste of both from time to time, it’s no mystery why people prefer to win. Shall we move on?

When I first learned of “For The Win” and I mourned the loss of “Fuck The World”, I saw a third phrase (of course there was a third one, everything comes in threes). It was something I had known of since those early days of understanding, something out there like a sickness… growing, infecting. I just now had a name for it, and all I had to do was put it together. Literally.

F.T.W.F.T.W

Fuck The World For The Win.

Go ahead, say it out loud. Think about what it implies. Some of you probably don’t even have to continue reading… but please do.

From the first time I read Book of Revelation at the age of 13, I understood it, or at least how people perceived it.  I now had a name for it.

Fuck The World For The Win.

I guess the best way to explain it for those of you who don’t yet get where I’m going, is to take a look at the terrorism spreading the past 4 decades (my entire life!) from the ideas of Radical Islam. The word Jihad is just a short way of saying, “Fuck the world for the win”. But it isn’t just in the Islamic religion. It’s an idea that flows through many of our worlds religious teachings. The idea that one day the world will end and judgment and salvation will be dealt out respectfully. Everyone has their own version of an Apocalypse awaiting all of us.

See where I’m going yet?

We all have beliefs. We all have philosophies and religious convictions. Traditions passed down from a time we can only read about. Necessary, but dangerous. Necessary because we build our lives upon these beliefs and convictions. Dangerous because people want to be right. They want to win.

So think about it, where does it leave us. I know you can figure it out, you don’t need me to make it clear… just in case though…

There are so many out there who have been taught and believe their way is right and that some day it will all come to an end to punish and reward, again, dealt out respectfully  to each persons own perspective. How do we expect any real self thinking individual to know which way to turn or react. Yes, so many out there who believe the end is coming and see no reason to try to prevent it. In fact, those who truly believe find ways to try to get to that end and prove they were right all along.

Now you see what I’m getting at, yes?

People will destroy it all to be right. Fuck The World For The Win!

I should point out that from the beginning of time people though the end was near. When the Book Of Revelation was written the early Christians believed the end of the world would come in their life time. In fact everyone generation thinks there’s will be the last. The end is always near. To me that proves just how wrong of an idea it is. If you keep expecting the end to come and it doesn’t, when do you finally give up on that idea?

Just in our recent history we can discuss the lunacy of Y2K or 12-21-2012. But people believed it. Shit, we wanted it. People believe the end has to come, so we race for it. After all, the end will prove who is right and who is wrong. and that’s what we really need… to be right, at any cost.

Like most things, it’s all backwards to me. The end of the world seems to be something we’d be happy to be wrong about. And yet so many say, “Fuck The World For The Win”.

And here we are, destroying everything for the sake of an argument that doesn’t really involve us.

Do ya feel me? Can you dig? Or am I the one who’s crazy?

Maybe I am. Because so much of this seems so easy to see and yet we close our eyes and march on towards a destiny we believe was already decided for us.

Damn, I was trying to keep this under 2,000 words, but don’t know if that’s gonna happen. Let’s try to bring this to a conclusion leading into another post (get ready, because from here on out they are gonna fall like dominoes).

I never got a Father’s Day post out this month, lately it’s just been hard to find a reason to come here and write. So that leaves this blog with no Father’s Day post in the 4 years I wrote here. That kind of sucks. After all I’m a father. There is plenty of material for me to write about on the subject. Did it seem like we just took a sharp turn and are heading a different direction? What does Father’s Day have to do with this post? How about a Spiderman reference about paying for the “sins of our fathers”.  Or how many think of that father figure up their in the heavens watching and judging us.  Or how most of us grow up with out our fathers.  I could blog about my own dad. Talk about how untill the 3rd grade my dad was a huge part of my life. Then he was just not there anymore and that’s just how it was. After all I was just a child and the adults knew what they were doing, ha! I could also write about how I’d later go to live with my dad when I was 15 years old and how odd the whole thing was, and get into the different kind of relationship I had with my dad then. Because in between the time I had last seen my dad at age 8 and the time he was back in my life at 15 I had figured out that truth about adults: they didn’t have a clue.

There we go, getting back on topic. Forgive me though, because I’m gonna jump right back off.

Last year around this time I wrote this post:

https://zerodinh.wordpress.com/2016/06/13/when-will-it-be-enough/

As you can read in the post, I had started out wanting to write a post about how no matter how bad the world seemed, that it was up to us to paint our lives with the colors we wanted in them. How what seemed like an upcoming Summer of Fear could easily be turned into a Summer of Love if we wanted to. But the tragedy of Pulse Nightclub rocked us all and the post ended up being a confusional attempt at the realization that it wasn’t so easy to do any more.

A year later and the only difference is I’m not confused. From the moment I hit the “Publish” button on that post to the time I hit “Publish” on this post it has been made all to clear to me the fear has won out.  The Summer of 2016 continued to show that path leading us here. One tragedy after the next backing us all into a corner. Need a personal example to demonstrate exactly what I mean? Of course you do:

Last week I woke up to this song on the news:

This song was new to me… I had just heard it for the first time a few days earlier… I’ll get to that in a moment. The reason it was being played on the news was because Rachel Platten had released an acoustic version of the track to benefit the victims of the nightclub shootings:

Rachel Platten releases new version of ‘Fight Song’ to benefit Orlando victims

So here I was coming out of sleep to this song that was recently familiar to me. It’s a beautiful song and it is easy to see why it would be used as an anthem for standing up against the forces in the world waiting to strike out against us. An uplifting tribute to the human spirit and our choice to stand and face our obstacles. Yes, from bullies to terrorist, the song fits into the narrative we all find ourselves trapped in. A cry out that we will fight.

So it may not come to a surprise that the place I had first heard the song a few days earlier was at my 5th graders graduation ceremony. I had seen and heard a group of children sing it loud and proud as they looked to the uncertainty of middle school.

A couple of quick side notes on all this:

First, my granddaughter (who is still a few years off from her own 5th grade graduation) was with us that day and was reading over the program with me. She saw the name Rachel Platten written in it next to the song title and her eyes lit up. She of course knew the song and liked it quite a bit. She easily sang along once the 5th graders began singing it. As I have said, I had not heard of the song before… I am getting old.

Second, right now, as I copied the song to post it above, it began to play on my laptop. My soon to be 6th grader came running in and sang a duet with Rachel Platten… it was very adorable.

As I said, it’s understandable why this song would be chosen for the 5th grade graduation ceremony, but the song chosen to accompany it is where all this starts messing with my head a little:

I know, right?

Yes, it was very cute. Watching those up and coming adults belt out, “I’m proud to be an American”, was very inspirational…. but in context, well my context at least, it all seemed to be pushing and pulling. Not to mention there was a representative there from both the Republicans and Democrats pointing out how important it was to vote. A message for the parents I’m guessing, since these graduates wouldn’t be voting for quite a few years yet. The whole thing seemed to be getting us all ready for the fight, though that may be a little bit much. But it definitely was sending the message that we will stand strong and proud against all that tries to defeat us. Which again, fits into the narrative we all find ourselves trapped in.

If it seems like I’m getting side tracked, that’s partially because this is 3 posts wrapped up into one. The Father’s Day post I didn’t get to, bled in a little. A post that developed in my head the morning I woke up to “Fight Song” on the news, which I did actually start writing but didn’t get very far. And a 3rd post which is long over due, the one titled “Fuck The World For The Win”.  It’s been in my head for a while now and I had to get it out to move on. The funny thing is, it was meant to be like this… the reason I couldn’t write the “Fight Song” post a few days ago was because it belonged here. These two ideas were locked together in a deadly embrace.

You see, as I said in the Summer post a year ago, the choice between a Summer of love or a Summer of fear may just as well have been made for us. I defiantly believe so as a new summer is here. And it’s not our fault. We have to stand up to these fears in order to get past them. We have to fight for what is right. Corny but true.

Here’s the rub though… and it’s a dangerous one. When we all feel backed into a corner and everyone feels the time has come to say enough is enough. Those out there waiting for the end get a twinkle in their eyes. This is a sign that they are right. And they see the way to victory. They see a way to fuck the world for the win.

Hell, I ain’t saying nothing most of you don’t feel deep inside. You get how it all works. And like I said, the world keeps going on no mater how many try to bring on the end. Still if we keep trying and that lovable, dreadful internet keeps fueling the FTWFTW, who knows.

LOL, now I’m right there with every other generation who thinks that Armageddon is for their generation. And maybe it will be.

To be honest, it don’t matter. Because that’s not the point of this post.

As I have said many times before, the longer I stay away from writing here the easier it is to not write here. And as we all know, I plan on ending the blog at the end of the year. Which is why sometimes with all that’s going on in the world, I wonder why bother even finishing.

But I can’t do that. That wouldn’t be fair to any of us. We’ve come a long way and we can’t stop now. We’ve got a graduation to get to.

So buckle up once again as we head down one last bumpy road together. The whole fucking world can come crashing down along the side of us, this blog is marching right on down to the end. Whether you say Fuck The World or For The Win… even you sick fucks that say Fuck The World For The Win (I know there’s a few of you out there reading) it don’t matter…

 

“Fa shizzel, my wizzel, this is the plot, listen up
You bizzels forgot, Slizzel does not give a fuck”

3 More 3 Posts

#Three

I know a lot of you are waiting to see what my next posts are gonna be about. Yes, right now the private messages are flying. Yes, many different things have become even clearer, though if I can be a little arrogant (since many of you think I am, I will be), I had a lot of this figured out for a while now. And I’m not talking about one thing, it’s a whole idea that I was right about. But yes, I was right about  some of the biggest trolls in all this as well.

Here’s the thing though, for many different reasons, I did not get to those posts. Year 3 kept me away from finishing posts, and now some of this stuff is blowing up off the blog. I know, cryptic, and in not supposed to be so cryptic. But year 3 is almost over and there’s no time to get into it all now.

Some of you might say, hey, what about the “high school” reference, doesn’t that mean there will be a fourth year of Zero’s World? A graduation year? Something I have been asking myself since year 2. You see, in real life I only made it to 11th grade. As most of you know, at 16, my girlfriend and I had a baby. Well she had the baby, but you get it. I had dropped out of school during the last month of 10th grade, cut my hair, and got a job. I spent the summer working while all my friends partied the summer away. When school started again in the fall, I made an attempt to go back. Lasted 3 days, no lie. It was impossible to deal with high school politics and work and be a father. So I took my GED after 3 days of my third year of high school. I passed it and never went back. So no senior year for me. No prom or any of that stuff.

So I often thought I’d do the same here… 3 years, keep it all in the threes. Besides I didn’t know if we’d ever get to a place good enough to graduate from.

We may be there though.

I guess we will all have to tune in on the 27th. That’s the fourth anniversary of Zero’s World. We shall all see together if we go on one more year as seniors (that’s not a crack at anyone’s age, though some of us are getting up there), or just drop out. Until then, let’s finish the third year on some threes. 3 more 3 posts like the title says… starting right now:

So the other night my wife and I raced to the hospital, up to the third floor where our third grandchild was born.

It’s a girl!

Many of you remember around this time last year my first grandson was born. So if you are keeping count (Dorothy) that’s 2 girls and 1 boy. And they are so awesome!

My grandson and family are actually visiting right now for his birthday. They do not live close and in fact, this is the first time I finally got to see/meet the little guy. As you can see offline, life is on a high note right now. This holiday season is turning out to be one of the best!

This is the first time in a while all 7 of my kids have been at home all at once, and I am enjoying the hell out of it!

Happy Holidays everyone!

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

So I have been sitting on a few posts for a little while. Websleuths stuff, Lemming stuff, Lawless America stuff, Quiet Pills stuff, Dorothy and Nancy stuff, new crazies stuff (some like Mankind you saw a little of, but others I have come across I haven’t even mentioned yet), even some LISK stuff, like Oak Beach Bittrolff rumors and connections being made.

I have been waiting to see where a lot of this is still going before continuing about some of these subjects.

http://foxct.com/2015/05/11/report-new-britain-serial-killer-identified-7-bodies-found-at-site/

I get sent articles like these daily. Where will this story lead, I don’t know, but it definitely leads to a lot of speculation.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks aquarium guy.

What is really going on in this world of ours and what effect it has on us as well as what effect we could have on it….

Well, I’m still waiting… but something tells me the wait is almost over.

NOTE: Everything above was written and posted May 12th 2015, everything below was written and posted My 24th 2015

I wrote and posted this a little too quickly, but lately many posts have been thought up in my head and then get stuck there not making it into writing let alone the blog. So when someone sent me the link on the bodies in New Britain, I tried to quickly get it out in a post while half way explaining something about shoes about to fall.

I wanted to get the link up because I knew some of you would want to see it, and as we saw, CA1 quickly had more of the story including the name of the man the police believe is the serial killer mentioned in the story. We’ll get to that in a minute.

I mentioned JB the aquarium guy above, but that wasn’t the only name that came to mind. Bittrolff was also there and while discussing this with someone, Robert Durst came up as well. But the article said “Chief state’s attorney Kevin Kane said that while they cannot name a suspect due to the ongoing investigation, there is no danger to the public at this time. He said they are confident that only one person was involved, but he would not confirm if a suspect was in custody or why that person was not a threat to the public. ”  So I thought, maybe the person was dead. It also went on to say that they believed LE was focusing on someone already in prison… not someone recently arrested awaiting trial… which had me thinking this was someone else entirely and as CA1 pointed out, it was just that, someone else. His name is William Devin Howell:

http://foxct.com/2015/05/12/suspect-named-in-new-britain-serial-killings-sources/

I see this all as a good thing.  As each of these cases go forward (like Bittrolff’s, Howell’s, and yes maybe even Durst’s) and their victims are identified, focus can go to the ones that are still unsolved and possibly linked to who has been dubbed The LISK. Simply said with each case that is solved, unsolved cases can gain from this. Though I’ll once again state, I’m not so quick to think LE is lacking here and actualy seem to be staying on top of each of these cases and will do their best to solve them all, of course I’m not there, so grain of salt please.

So I put this post out, quickly choosing a title that I tried to explain, but failed I believe, to deliver on such an important title, and yes I knew when I chose it, I didn’t have the time to do it justice, I just wanted to get the link out there.

Even now, the whole idea of the title of this post is not easy to explain.

So what do I mean by “Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop”? Well, I’m just trying to describe the state of limbo I feel myself and the rest of the world finds itself in right now.

Waiting for religion and politics to “get it”, waiting for the wars to stop and the peace to begin, waiting for human rights to be the only rights that matter, because if we can get that right, all else will fall into place.

That has to do as much with what’s going on in Syria and Iraq as what’s going on in our own streets.

It’s like, although it’s been a long time coming, and although it will not be easy, it has to happen, so I’m waiting…

And as the beginning of this post suggests, it’s not just on such a grand scale that I see these shoes waiting to fall…

They are up there… everywhere… like houses waiting on witches…

Shake It Off

 

Any new Cicada stuff out there? I haven’t even looked. But it’s that time of year.

I saw Anonymous is getting involved with the fight against terrorism:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/11335676/Hacktivists-Anonymous-says-it-will-avenge-Charlie-Hebdo-attacks-by-shutting-down-jihadist-websites.html

And The Illuminati is taking over everything:

https://www.facebook.com/thevigilantchristianmario

I bring up these 3 groups, because with all that’s going on in the world, it would be nice if we had some heroes… even some anti-ones.

But we are so involved in the back-n-forth. Victories are just the lead in to the next fight. Everyone’s pointing the finger at their oppressor and shouting demon! Actually we moved on from that… we now are pointing fingers at our accusers and shouting demon!

Even I, as I teach by example, have gotten too caught up.

Time to shake it off…

 

 

Circles

Circles are everywhere, would you agree? Planets travel in them and so do we. We get stuck in them. The smaller the circles are, the faster we come back around. I am attempting to travel in bigger circles in the posts on this blog… but it seems we are still in much smaller connected circles… coming back around very quickly… sometimes so quickly it dangers on repetitiveness (am I repeating myself here?).

Sometimes that’s all the bigger circles are… a bunch of the same smaller circles intertwined spinning you around like a carnival ride.

So, as I venture out into larger circles, don’t be surprised when they snap us back around again… just try to hold the nausea down and enjoy the ride.

My Mom’s A Whore And Everyone Is Laughing At Me

OK, UMAW, let’s get to that comment you left:

mom whore2

Short and sweet, but so much said just in the email address alone. By the way, I hope everyone had a happy Mother’s Day, my house was filled with moms and kids all day, I hope all of yours were as well! As I was saying UMAW, great email address! Fake or real, it is the best one anyone has used on any of the blogs in my opinion.. And it matches so well with the screen name, really, kudos! Now let’s get to the comment itself:

Clearly none of you have any lives. This blog is funny amd no one takes ANY OF YOU YOU seriously. …seriously.

I just want to say, for the most part, I agree with this comment… for the most part. The first sentence is a little unfair though… I for one have a life, a full and busy life, and yet I still found all sorts of time for my blogs over the last year (and a few months). and I still have time to go out with friends, watch all my favorite TV shows, spend time with the family, work, eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep. And I still use my online time to look up and read all sorts of different topics. Yes, I stay busy, but I feel there is time for everything, and I somehow make it work. Now as for others here, since you did aim the comment at more than just me, correct? I believe Linda has explained many times on this blog and other places about her leg injury and why she found so much time to spend on LISK.com and the blogs that followed.  As for the likes of Joey, Nancy, Dorothy, and all the others who spent so much time on LISK.com and the blogs that followed (many of which no longer want their name brought up) and whether they have lives or not, I won’t speak for them, but I think a couple of them might have lives. Still, I don’t want you bullying any of my readers UMAW, lives or not, I don’t want them to stop reading, anymore than I want to chase off a first time commenter like yourself! So let’s just assume most of us can come here read, comment, praise, lead, or complain, and still have a life. Now … is this blog funny? I hope so… the word parody is right in the sub-title, so its goal is to somewhat amuse. But let’s clarify, this blog, the one you are reading now, though it is the product of the other blogs that came before it, it is different from all of them!

As for the end part, “amd (which I’m sure is meant to be “and”, though I’m not one to correct others typing and spelling skills) no one takes ANY OF YOU (you is repeated, but again, I’m sure that’s a typo) seriously.” I like how you capitalized “ANY OF YOU” including the extra “YOU”. This of course was to make a point, correct? I just hope, again, that you aren’t putting everyone who reads or comments here into that “ANY OF YOU YOUs”.  That’s just not fair to generalize like that. As for me, I hope everyone stopped taking me seriously a long time ago, well, except for when I’m being serious. And if you mean the likes of Joey, Nancy, Dorothy, (oh hell, let’s name ’em all) Jen, Cristin, Susie, Candyce, Angela, Sophia, Kim, and all the screen names and fake accounts made by the whole lot of them, well yes, no one is and no one should ever take these people seriously. And to anyone out there who does take any of these crazies serious, well then hopefully no one takes you seriously, seriously (deep I know, but those who get it, get it). But again UMAH, I’m sure some of my readers and commenters are to be taken quite seriously… I mean you read and commented here, right? Still over all a very good comment from an even better screen name from the best email address ever! MO of course. (that means “My Opinion” Nancy, in case you were lost as usual). I mean who get’s their first comment turned into a post? You UMAW, that’s who. Thanks for your input!  It’s comments like these that keep me going!

The Bitter Pill

Have I mentioned my passion for music? It’s my philosophy, my religion, my life. Because of this, many of my jobs were in music stores. I worked at Tower Records, Sam Goody, and Warehouse Records during my twenties and I built up quite the collection of CDs. Even when I no longer had employee discounts or access to promos and the rest of the world started getting their music in downloads and MP3s I still am at the record stores buying the newest release. There are certain artists that I can count on to put out an entire album of music I will like. In fact if you look at my CD collection (thousands of jewel cases along the wall from ABBA to ZZ Top and everything in between) most of them I can put in a CD player and listen to the whole thing without having to skip any songs. Now I say most of them, because there are still quite a few there that I like only 1 or 2 tracks from it. I guess it’s albums like these that this new age is for, because no one puts on an album anymore and just listens to the whole thing from start to finish. Well I shouldn’t say nobody, because I do. I love to get a new CD that the whole thing speaks to me from beginning to end, I put it on in the car and just leave it there for weeks listening to every track over and over each day.

As I mentioned before I recently got the new Eminem album The Marshal Mathers LP 2 and it has been being played over and over since I got it. Starting with my favorite track “Bad Guy” and ending with ‘Evil Twin” then starting back over again. Some days I may repeat a song like “So Far…” a few times in a row before going on to the rest of the album. But basically it’s all I have been listening to since I got it last month.

Now of course when I get stuck on an album like this, my daily attitude can reflect from it. I learned this also showed true in my blog. During this last month my blogs have gotten quite a bit more cocky listening to Eminem on a constant. Then the other day I made the song dedication on here posting Green Day’s “Restless Heart Syndrome” from their album 21st Century Breakdown. Then when I headed to work, I took that CD instead of the Eminem. The cocky zero that some of you have come to love or hate was taking the back seat again and the open more caring part of me wondered if I was going about all of this the right way still.

Then I came home and watched some television.  A show about being “FAKE” on the internet came on, which was good, because this was one of the things I had originally started blogging about in my “Red & Black”. But as I mentioned, the show brought me right back into thinking about my LISK blog and all the circles my curiosity had brought me to. I will get to more about that. But first…

I headed into work today and reached for my Eminem CD. Then decided to grab something else. A CD called “Dog Eat Dog” by the 80’s hair band Warrant. You might remember them as the guys who sang “Cherry Pie”.  “Dog Eat Dog” came after their pie success, and to be honest I do not like the album too much. It’s one of those I have for just a couple of songs. When I play the album, I’ll play those 2 songs a few times and then take it off. The rest of the album just tries to hard to be different from “Cherry Pie” and in my opinion gets lost because of it. But I do really like those 2 songs on there, and today I played them both at least 3 times a piece. They are both ballads, though they are not your typical ballads.  One of these 2 tracks is called “The Bitter Pill”, it’s a love song, but it’s about more than that. At least to me anyways. It has always been a song I put on when I don’t understand this world of ours. So I played it and when it was done I replayed it. In fact I played it at least 3 times in a row listening to the lyrics wanting to understand people better, wanting to understand myself better.

Though I said I stand by my blogs, all of them, I realize I may have lost my way a little and maybe got caught up in the craziness. I mean I put myself on the couch, right?  Am, I here to play games, am I here to help, am I here to make sense of a world that seems to not understand itself?

All good questions, that I just don’t have the answers for yet. But as things keep changing and evolving, it is becoming clearer to me what I should do. What I want to do. The question is, will I do it?

I’ll start here with an apology to all those on my LISK Blog that I wrote about. Everyone. Right or wrong, I know some of my posts and comments were not always well received. My intensions were never to hurt anyone.

I would like to once again post a link to a song and hope you all listen to it. The song I played several times today in my car, wondering just what is the purpose of our lives. I know some of you don’t care what I have to say any more and I’m sure most of you don’t want to listen to a love ballad by Warrant and try to find a philosophical middle ground to our differences and misunderstandings in its corney lyrics. But I put it here any ways.

http://youtu.be/83xz6SN8oUQ

Nouveau Parfum (New Perfume)

This is amazing! It is a music video by  French-Hungarian singer Boggie (real name: Csemer Boglárka).  So much said in this simple but mesmerizing video. Have our hangups with perfection and self-image made us fake? How can we tell who and what is real anymore?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cGSnnvbiD7A

43

For those who have been reading since the beginning of my “Red & Black” (located to the right in “My Stuff) you might remember my first post there. It was called 42. I explained the inside joke that any fellow hitchhiker did not need explanation for, that 42 is the meaning of life. I explained that I was 42 years old and talked about my hopes for the “red & black”.  Now almost a year later the “Red & Black” blog is done and my experiences on the internet has led me to where this blog now sits.

I’m not gonna rehash once again ALL the different sites, blogs, social medias, etc. that I blogged about last year. Between my LISK Blog and the “Red & Black” I covered quite a bit of people and subjects and yet they were all tied together by several different ideas.  There is some messed up stuff going on out there. Some who read this new blog may feel I have digressed. “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”, right? I don’t know, it could be more like , “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, then beat ’em”.

There’s still wisdom there on the “Red & Black” between 42 and Seasons Change if you’re searching for some. Hell, there’s still plenty of wisdom here if you really look for it. But remember “True wisdom is in knowing you know nothing”.

But I wouldn’t read too much into the change in my blogs. Things change. After all I’m no longer 42.